Everytime I move, I think I will change who I am. "Nobody knows me here, I can be whoever I want to be." I can be out-going, I can be shy, I can be fashionable, or I can wear the "tired mom" look all the time. But no matter what I do, I always end up in the "I want to be a recluse" phase. It comes and goes depending on my relationships, my attitude, my feelings about myself and whether I have said one of my, "what were you thinking when you said that" comments or questions.
I don't think I have ever been very good with people. I always tend to say and do the wrong things. I am an emotional person and tend to where my heart on my sleeve, thus trying to get familiar to fast. I trust people quickly, and tend to want to be a people pleaser. I think I have gotten better, as I have moved around and met new people. Sometimes I just embrace who I am and sometimes I wish I were the exact opposite of me.
I have a brother 2 years older than me who is not an introvert, but is definitely quieter than me. He is a good man, and when people meet him, they tend to like him right away. I remember someone saying once, "How did you two end up so different? Amy is so outgoing and you are so quiet." I don't think they meant it as an insult, but I do wish I was a lot more like Brian.
I guess I often want to be someone I am not. Today I just want to be a recluse.
(This is not an invite to say nice things about me. Infact, you can tell me what an awful friend, daughter, sister-in-law, or whatever relationship we have, I am. I was just wondering if anybody ever felt like they wanted to be a recluse too?)
On another note, here is a girl who will always love me(minus the teenage years). If I am shy, happy, sad, out-going, she will always love me.
Carly, this may not be the make-over that you get from your daughter, but it sure was a time burner on a boring Sunday afternoon.
19 comments:
Hey there- I know you aren't looking for compliments and stuff, but I do want you to know that I think you are amazing and I always have a fun time with you. I think your comments are hilarious and I think they make the conversation a ton of fun. I love ya Amy and I don't know what I would do here without ya.
Believe it or not.....I know JUST how you feel. I feel the same what A LOT! It's tiring to be happy and friendly and nice all the time (which is why I take a break from it often.....just ask my kids). I especially feel that way when I am postpartum. As if we are not tired enough (from lack of sleep) we have to go and thrown in the whole "being social" thing. I say, if you want to be a recluse for a few days, weeks, months....go for it! (except I want you to come over Saturday night, with your kids, for dinner while the men are at priesthood....let me know.)
I like you just the way you are. You have no need to be anyone different. You are you and I like you, dang it. Nothing else should matter! :)
Thank you for being so honest! Yes, there are days when I feel like I want to crawl up in a ball and just have free time, all day long. I think those same things every time we move as well, I wonder why that crosses my mind, because no matter on what I decide I think I might improve or change about myself, I end up being the same, always. I just think that people are always going to perceive you differently at different times and places they meet or visit with you.
p.s. What's your address and email? I have a sling sitting on the desk ready for mailing and no address.
I know how you feel too. It must be harder for you though knowing you could stay recluse the whole time your in Spokane and then leave when John is done. I think it's alot easier when you have a lot of excuses like all your kids to stay recluse I do it too. It's easier than over analyzing after a visit or outing with someone new whether they liked you or they thought something you said was dumb or you really did say something dumb and your telling yourself your dumb. But I like you and you seem very charming and sweet. you have a very sweet family too and seem like an awesome mom, someone I would want to be like.
I would totally be a recluse if my husband didn't have anything to say about it. I am such a home-body. When all is said and done, I would much rather prefer stay at home rather than going out. That's why I married a very social guy so that I wouldn't become that way. That's why I was roomies with Sarah in college so that I wouldn't become that way. I think we are attracted to those things that make us push our boundaries so that we become better people. It's good for us. :) Love ya girl.
I SOOO know how you feel! You and I are so much alike. First off, I must say, I don't know how you do it. Lately, having two young children has been thoroughly wiping me out. There has been absolutely no "me" time or even good "family" time. So, yes, I feel like being a recluse (not cleaning, not going out, not showering...I'd just like to stay in bed!). In fact, I haven't taken a shower yet today and if I didn't have to go to MOPS tonight, I probably wouldn't. Then, I would have an excuse for not wanting to go out anywhere. And I only have 2!!! I have been spending some time with some of the girls from our church and I've often had the same thoughts you have. I know I share too much of myself too soon...I guess that's just who I am. I feel like I spend so much time worrying about people liking me...or not. I'm glad that you've been so honest about how you feel. Now I know that I am not alone!
P.S. I just wanted to add that you are a great friend! All of those things about you just make you, you! I'm sure your husband would agree...and I'm sure he loves every one of those things that make you who you are.
First of all I love you just the way you are (isen't that a song or something?)You are a great friend and I think you are a wonderful person.
I do have to say I find myself wanting to stay inside and talk to nobdy sometimes. I have a Mr social husband though, who won't let me do that very often. I thnk for me it is hard to find those friends that have actually moved on from their highschool ways. And that makes me be a recluse, because I don't want to deal with that. So once you move back here, I won't have to be all hermit like. I will have a good friend really close to me that does not act like she is in highschool still. We miss you guys!
I got the tylenol at Walgreen's follow the link on my page and it walks you through it on Becentsable. You might want to try a different walgreen's than the one on 29th and Grande I cleaned them out of infants but they should have children's.
I so feel like being a recluse sometimes! I hate having to put on my happy-go lucky face everyday sometimes.
But you are so freaking amazing! When I was little I wanted to be you, not that I don't anymore, and I loved that you an your brother used to fight over me when I was a baby so that puts you WAY high in my book!
All I have to say is I love and miss you more than ever.
Hey Amy! You totally just described myself! I never have thought of you as a reclusive personality, but I can completely relate to how you're feeling. Luckily I have a social husband who gets me out there! I have enjoyed seeing your darling family on your blog. They are beautiful kids. I just had my baby Drake three weeks ago. I think Josie's due date was around his. I hope you are enjoying your new home in WA. Just be yourself and people will love you 'cuz you're a great gal! P.S. Do you remember calculus lab together and child development...gotta love it! Natalie (Nielsen) Morgan
Actually No. Never.
But sometimes I like to shop alone - does that count?
Just felt the need to comment since there seem to be a plethora of recluses reading and commenting on your post! ; )
I actually knew this about you already! And I actually feel the same way almost all the time. But I think that you already knew that about me too! Missing you lots!
I love the makeover...and actually that is the kind of makeover I have been getting lately, Olivia has lost interest and so Luke has taken over! I think you are wonderful Amy, don't try to be something you aren't...the reason your kids love you is because they see the real you and they love it....being you is what makes you you. I am not saying "stay inside and be a recluse...but sometimes we need down time and it is ok to embrace that. there are so many different facets of you..that makes you unique and special.
I hear ya. I am the same way, and I have to attribute some of it to kids so close together. Our kids are about the same age, so you know what I mean. I think you are just so busy with your own family that it is easier to just do stuff on your own. I have realized that it is much easier to say lets go to the park when I have a second, rather than try and arrange a group. It is enough to gather my own kids. But I have my days when I feel like a recluse too. But what better time in your life to introvert, than when our kids are little?
My little sister and her hubby just started their res. in Iowa, and she spoke with a physicians wife that had moved a lot and had gone through a lot of similair situations that you med students and families do, and she told kristy, to 'grow where you are planted', always be posotive about where you are, and if you act like you like it from the get go, and just enjoy it all, you will be content, rather than waiting for an end, to settle down. I thought this was good advice, but also a real hard thing to do. You guys have to start over so many times. You are awesome, and I love the way you describe you, cause I feel like I am the same way, trusting, loving, good intentions, but it doesn't always happen, or words come out like I want them to. You are a great mom, and a wonderful person. I sure love checking your blog and even getting ideas to do with my kids. I haven't taken carlys 'spa', challenge yet, but it looks like your make over was a success.
I feel the same way a lot. Even with people you are comfortable with and know well, sometimes you want to close up. But you are you, and everyone who loves you- loves you because you are you. Life wouldn't be the same with out Amy being as outgoing as she is, or as charitable as she is, or as honest, or as wonderful, or as anything that you are. Even though I think Brian is great too, don't change a bit, and come home soon so I can spend more time with the person I love just the way you are. But in the same breath, I will say, it is okay to close yourself in, get a good book, and soak in the bath away from the world. Be a recluse for yourself once in a while. Love you.
Ha! You think you're a recluse? You are talking to the Queen of the recluses! I love my family, and frankly there are very few other people who I am at all interested in. Take it as a compliment that I'm looking at your blog! If you need any tips on how to be a better recluse, let me know, I've got it down (unplugging the phone, just not answering the door, avoiding eye contact, etc). I think that's why you and I have had some of the callings we've had, because otherwise I wouldn't know the names of most of the ward. Love ya!
Hey you...it's a Hyde thing...seriously. Somedays I call it one of my talents...sooo, sooo, sooo like my dad. Put on our happy public face, do what ya gotta, retreat to the safety of home. Hate the phone. My boys didn't even get to answer it until they were in like 3rd grade. Caller ID is my favorite, favorite modern invention. Not so much to screen as to if it's someone I absolutely have to answer. One of my biggest pet peeves is being handed a phone when I don't know who is on the other end....it's a death wish to do that to me. Ok I'm rambling. Sorry, I've just been lurking...life is crazy and usually I'm just blog jogging for a quick fix but don't have time to compose an appropriate comment. Email me your address I have a little package here waiting to come find you. Love ya!!!!! Always! Will you be in Utah during Christmas?
I have days when I want to be a recluse. Every day actually at two times: The first time at around 2:05p each day which is, interestingly enough, usually when I'm getting KB ready for nap-time. Then another phase at the end of each day. But then each morning someone opens the valve and I'm Miss Chatty all day. Not sure how that works.
And, I think you're great, just so you know. I always liked visiting with you when I would run into you at Moms or wherever. My heart strings tugged a bit when you moved away. :) No, seriously, I'm serious.
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