RECLUSE

Do you ever just want to be a recluse? Do you ever not want to have any friends so that you don't have to put yourself out there? Do you ever want to not have relationships so that you won't disappoint them or so they don't disappoint you?

Everytime I move, I think I will change who I am. "Nobody knows me here, I can be whoever I want to be." I can be out-going, I can be shy, I can be fashionable, or I can wear the "tired mom" look all the time. But no matter what I do, I always end up in the "I want to be a recluse" phase. It comes and goes depending on my relationships, my attitude, my feelings about myself and whether I have said one of my, "what were you thinking when you said that" comments or questions.

I don't think I have ever been very good with people. I always tend to say and do the wrong things. I am an emotional person and tend to where my heart on my sleeve, thus trying to get familiar to fast. I trust people quickly, and tend to want to be a people pleaser. I think I have gotten better, as I have moved around and met new people. Sometimes I just embrace who I am and sometimes I wish I were the exact opposite of me.

I have a brother 2 years older than me who is not an introvert, but is definitely quieter than me. He is a good man, and when people meet him, they tend to like him right away. I remember someone saying once, "How did you two end up so different? Amy is so outgoing and you are so quiet." I don't think they meant it as an insult, but I do wish I was a lot more like Brian.

I guess I often want to be someone I am not. Today I just want to be a recluse.

(This is not an invite to say nice things about me. Infact, you can tell me what an awful friend, daughter, sister-in-law, or whatever relationship we have, I am. I was just wondering if anybody ever felt like they wanted to be a recluse too?)

On another note, here is a girl who will always love me(minus the teenage years). If I am shy, happy, sad, out-going, she will always love me.

Carly, this may not be the make-over that you get from your daughter, but it sure was a time burner on a boring Sunday afternoon.

Josie Turns 8 weeks!

Josie often looks like this, and then without any warning...

She'll look like this!

AAARGH, I am not loving acid reflux!

So, I have been doing this a lot lately!

I do LOVE binkies!

Deeken Is TWO!

Deeken's birth was amazing! It is my favorite of all my birth's. It was 11 o'clock at night, the hospital was so quiet. I only had to push a few times, and he was here. It was awesome and amazing, and he was beautiful. My doctor, Drea Olmstead was awesome. She always prays with her patient's after. We thought it might be a little weird, but it was awesome. She understands that in our religion it is usually the male who leads these kind of things, so she asked John if he wanted to pray, and John told her to go ahead. She was sweet, and humble. It was amazing! I love these pictures of the kids above. Especially the one just above. It is so a "Welcome to the family" picture. They loved him immediately and obviously got jealous when they couldn't be the one holding him. He was a Great baby and is such a wonderful BIG Boy now.

If you don't know Deeken personally, you are missing out on one of thee most adorable, awesome, amazing kids in the whole world. He has more facial expressions than anyone I have ever met. He is a very expressive kid. Emotion seeps from every facet of his body. When he gets excited, every muscle in his body tightens and shows his excitement. When he laughs his whole body shakes, and when he is sad he is like a weeping willow. He makes my day, when he states the obvious. He will point to you, "SAD," or "HAPPY," depending on your emotion. His sentences are very choppy and yet poignant. He makes everyone smile when he talks, when he laughs, when he is just in the room.

I love you Deeken!

Happy 2nd Birthday Slim!

One last thing Deeken is a great brother, especially big brother. He is wonder with Josie, and I am so thankful for that. Josie is 7 weeks old today.

My Love

I am in love with this woman. I have to show off my wife, because she seldom posts pictures of herself. I love her class. I love her beauty. I love the way she cares for me and our four children, day in and day out. She has a keen ability to pay attention to and focus on the things of greatest importance in this life. I love it when she flashes me a smile, and makes me fall in love all over again. She motivates me, she strengthens me and somehow, to my eternal blessing, she loves me. I am in love with this woman.

Mutton Bustin' at the Spokane County Fair

We had a great time at the Spokane County Fair with some friends who were very patient with our family. Noah and Micah were old enough to do some things their kids weren't, and they were more than willing to wait and watch.

The whole Mutton Bustin' had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with Noah and John. We payed $10 to have our kid perhaps get trampled by a sheep. But because of motivation to win a 4-wheeler, Noah persuaded his Dad to give it a try. Both of us were afraid we would pay the $10 and then Noah would back out by the time it was his turn. But as you will see, Noah proved us wrong. He didn't stay on the whole 8 seconds, but John and I were sure proud, and the 3 little girls we were with thought he was pretty cool stuff! I can see why the Cowboys get the girls! Next year I am going to have to teach him how to wave to the crowd after he falls. Oh this so makes me want to go watch 8 Seconds! Such a good movie.

By the way this didn't happen on Sunday, it happened last Saturday, but we needed to post it late.

We knew the day would come, Just not so soon!

We are sitting in church and the Sacrement is being passed. Deeken wanted to read a book.

John says: We'll do that when the DEACONS are finished passing the sacrement.

Deeken looks at John funny.

John: When the DEACONS are finished.

Deeken looks at John and says: (Kinda laughing) No...Boys.

He'll be two this week, I really didn't think he would get any jokes about it until Deeken IS A Deacon.

HMMMMM...

Micah is always singing random songs. I did this a lot as a child. I don't remember to many expericances as a child, but I do remember once my mother asking me if I had made up the lyrics to the song I just sang. I responded positively, and she told me they were really good. Looking back as an adult, I know this could have been because they were extremely silly and my mom was just trying to be kind. But It is a memory that sticks out in my head.

But what am I supposed to say when Micah sings, "I WISH that I could DIE and go and live with Jesus?"