Sister/Jealousy

I am sure this post will not be what you would expect from the title. I am sure that post will come in a few years. I have been thinking about writing this post for a long time. It may not interest some of you, but it is something I have been trying to understand about myself for a long time. You can read on, but it is more something I want my girls...and I guess boys to know, and also my friends so you can understand my wackiness sometimes.

I can not tell you how happy I am that my girls will have each other. For as long as I can remember I have always wanted a sister. I remember whining often to my parents that I wanted one. I think I even made them consider adoption. A funny note to this is that I remember my parents asking me why I wanted a sister? I told them, "So I can have someone to tease." I did have four brothers. There was plenty of teasing. I just was on the receiving end. Anywhooo...

I can't remember having any super close friends growing up, but I definitely don't remember hanging out with any boys. I always wanted to hang out with girls...I had plenty of boys in my family. In fifth grade when I thought I had found some amazing friends, I came into one of thee hardest experiences of my life. The people who I thought were my friends ostracized me. Girls can be amazing, but they can also be vicious(We were in fifth grade, I forgive you). I remember them telling me, we don't have to be friends with everyone. I got that...I guess, but why couldn't WE be friends. It was simply one of thee hardest years of my life, as these girls made me feel super, super small.

Time would pass, I would make new friends and gain some of the old back. I was all about forgiveness if it could win me a friend...a true friend. Now I know some of you may be wondering where this is going, but hang in there.

As I have gotten older I have found myself quite possessive of people I consider to be my true friends. It is something I don't really like about myself, and have been wondering where this jealousy comes from. Am I really that insecure? Me, a 28 year old mother of 4, wife to an amazing man, daughter to loving parents!?! Am I really that insecure that I think maybe my friends out of the blue one day will say to me, "We don't have to be friends with everyone." I guess old wounds run deep. I know some friendships don't last or remain strong. Life is always changing and with it relationships, but isn't a sister always there?

Friendship is my sisterhood. It is my missing link in my family chain. A sister would never say to you, "I don't have to be friends with you." I realize some of you may disagree with that statement, but sisterhood to me is such an amazing thing to be a part of. In my mind, my sister would never choose to be friends with somebody else INSTEAD of me. It's the instead part that gets me sometimes. Just because my friends have other friends, doesn't mean they don't like me anymore.

I love you my dearest and truest friends! Please pardon me this one fault(plus all of my others)! Know that it is something in me, and nothing wrong with you. If I count you as one of my friends, you are like family, you are my sister. I have been blessed with pretty amazing sister-in-laws, a wonderful mom(I even get a little jealous of her relationship with her sister), and a great mother-in-love. I really am so blessed...maybe if they lived a little closer. Soon, very soon(at least for some).

And to Micah & Josie, Deeken and Noah, cherish each other. You will never understand just how lucky you are to have each other. Siblings are one of thee greatest gifts God gives.

Thanks for allowing this indulgence, I promise no more deep or sappy stuff for a while.